I’m at a certain point in my life where I feel very much like I am late, but it’s not too late yet. I’m in my mid-twenties, in the process of doing an entirely different career change, and in the middle of this process I took a break and watched Christiane Amanpour’s Love Across the World documentary series.
It’s a 6-episodes long series, each episode covering a different country and how love, intimacy, and sex stands in their culture and current society. It was really interesting, and I liked it a lot because that topic also interests me. Episode 4 covered Germany, and I really loved the ending of the episode because (spoiler alert) there is an old 55 years-old woman who only just learned how love could be different from what she had imagined and experienced her whole life until then. The concept that the world always has something new to learn and experience, and that what you learn or experience can resonate so personally in your life, that inspired me and gave me hope. I have felt for a few years now that things were really stagnant, and my experiences in life were dull. I wasn’t learning anything new, and I don’t want to wait until I’m 55 to experience something mind-blowing and new, but the possibilities exist out there still, and that excites me.
I’ve clearly not been using this blog site very regularly. I’m still figuring out how to even make this blog site seem less like I’m a blundering teenager (actually, I’m trying to figure out how to present myself less like a blundering teenager in my regular life too), and I’ve got a lot of work to do. The thing is, that episode made me feel a little better about how ‘behind’ I am. Obviously it’ll take some time before I understand the blogging sphere comfortably, and that used to make me feel pretty nervous. I thought well, it’ll take time, but I ought to know it now if I’m going to try and blog regularly. Now, I feel like there is time. I would prefer to learn it sooner than later but I have time, and it’s okay that I don’t know it all right at this moment.
I made a lot of plans for this new and different path I’m going to step on. I’m afraid. I used to be a lot more excited. Several very disheartening things happened in the past month and a half that nearly extinguished any hope I had of succeeding. I’m trying to build it back up right now. I’m taking a leap of faith in myself and trusting my gut feeling that I can’t always be passionate about my goals. There’ll be stumbles along the way, and this just happens to be the first one. I’ll have to struggle and perhaps suffer and not enjoy what I’ve chosen, but I’ll still want it. The hope that I’ll experience something I can’t even imagine right now is keeping that diminished passion lit.