Midnight

Hello again,

The weather has been changing here. It’s been a drastic change. Upper 80s, then a tornado touch down nearby, and now unending rain with temperatures in the upper 40s. Honestly, I was told it never gets this cold this early into the cold seasons here. It’s potentially affecting my body’s comfort levels too. I never thought that weather affected me that much physically (besides basics like put a jacket and gloves on), but I’ve been having bodily aches. Haven’t been able to sleep well either.

I’ve been obsessed with this one song called You Exist In My Dong by Wanting. Been feeling a pull to reconnect with my culture’s language. I haven’t given up on Spanish though. I’m not sure why but I’ve just been feeling rather lonely recently. I know school burnt me out since two weeks ago, but I still haven’t recovered. I’m still feeling like the amount is too much, and not on top of getting it all done punctually. And my stomach has been off. I never know what it is exactly that I want to eat. I have a pain in right side of my lower back. I can’t get entirely immersed inside the books I’m reading. It’s like I’m unsatisfied? Or unfulfilled? I read a random Chinese artist bio, and they used to live in this area I know extremely well. I lived nearthere, and know people from the same high school they attended. It threw me into a loop of nostalgia that was kind of hard to pull myself out of.

I am basically in a stand-still moment. I was going full force forward before, and now it’s like I used up all that energy and I can’t gather enough will to just keep pushing forward any further. I have things running in my mind, but I’m so unorganized and my to do list is always behind that I feel like I can’t get things done. Ugh. I hate this feeling. I’m going to try and fix this. I need to pull it together come end of the month. There isn’t time for this. I have goals I want to reach, and they aren’t such unrealistic goals. I can do this. I am going to regret being awake this late in the morning.

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